Ross and Denise
The following series of emails produced an uncharacteristically evil response from Tomatoshoe Towers. We should have told him he was mailing the wrong guy, we should have set him straight, we feel really bad about this, but since it was so long ago, we feel it is now safe to tell you about Ross and Denise...
Mon, 29 Nov 1999
hi conor
in bangkok crazy madness. I will be arriving in Sydney sometime in the next couple of weeks just reply for somewhere to meet up when I arrive.
thanks talk to you proper when we meet up.
cheers baby
ross
I had no idea who this Ross guy was, but out of sheer boredom I replied, telling him that he was welcome to stay in my flat while he was in Sydney. I don't have a flat in Sydney, I've never even been there. Anyway, I thought he would realise his mistake and that would be the end of it, but...
Tue, 30 Nov 1999
thanks for keeping me in mind
fair fucks for the room
too hungover + tired to do this now
might ring you later
going to south tomorrow to chill out, keep in touch
i will arive in sydney around the 12 th of december
thanks again
ross
"..might ring you later..." well would he? I was stumped, what could I tell him now? That I was winding him up? He was hungover, after all, he didn't need somebody to turn around and tell him he was actually going to have to find somewhere to stay. I had to keep going, hoping he would realise his folly and track down his friend, as my reply says:
Nice one Man,Surely now he'd realise it was a windup
Look after yourself over there, watch out for those Thai Sticks!
I had some fellahs from Ireland's 32 over here the other day, they're a bit worried about hassle locally and a few guys from back home may be staying over for the next week or so, I'm sure they'll be gone by the time you get here
Keep the flag flying.
Conor
ps: Do you know a guy called "Jim Mccann"? He says he might know you, any info?
Tue, 7 Dec 1999
hello mister keegan
everything is cool here except i am nearly deeeeeaaaaaddddd
looks like i will be ariving on friday about nineish
i could be changing the flight to a later date if poss
let you know the outcome
anyway,lots of news,looking forward to seeing ya
denise says hi too
thanks again for sorting things out for us
is it true you are abstaining from all substances,cant believe that!
love peace and madness
ross and denise
p.s if it suits could you tell me a good meeting place be it pub or landmark or you could always pick us up at the airport seeing as youre the energetic type!
p.p.s how many hours are you ahead of bangkok! bye for now please keep in touch hugs and kisses
r&d
He still thought I was the other Conor, and yet he was using my surname? Either he was winding me up, or he didn't really know this other Conor well at all, and was simply hoping to stay on some stranger's floor. Did he ever bother reading the email I was sending him anyway? And now Denise was going to be staying in the non-existent flat too? Oh God, Ross, stop all that drinking and come to your senses!
Thu, 9 Dec 1999
hello again
we will be arriving in sydney at 21.30 on friday 10.th
if possible tell me a pub to catch up with you or wherever
seen you very soon,will ring you when we land
hungover as ever,cheers
r& d
I was now convinced that the root of the problem was the fact that Ross would only ever read or write email while hungover, thereby reducing his ability think clearly. I decided to stop replying, hoping that the penny would finally drop and that he would work it all out for himself and ring the other guy, but...
Sat, 11 Dec 1999
hi conor
i am in sydney,and have been trying to ring your mobile.
please get in touch as soon as poss,i will be checking this regularly
cheers
ross
Oh God.