After Israel’s latest missile attack on a Palestinian faction office building in the Ramallah suburb of Al-Bireh, Israeli Foreign Minister Shimon Peres and Palestinian Authority President Yasser Arafat have agreed to meet next week with Robert Fulghum, best-selling author of All I Ever Needed to Know, I Learned in Kindergarten.

In what he hopes will prove to be a savvy diplomatic move, President Bush called upon the esteemed writer to act as “kindergarten cop” to the adversaries, imparting his simple wisdom and engaging them in a “feel-good” dialogue that will finally lead to a real cease-fire agreement.

Israel Defense Forces claimed the attack was retaliation against recent shooting incidents, including one on Thursday that killed one Israeli officer and wounded another. “The Israelis and Palestinians do a lot of ‘well, I hit him ‘cause he hit me’ kind of banter that is clearly counterproducive,” remarked President Bush. “We’re gonna see if we can’t just nip that in the bud.”

In his endorsement of Fulghum’s philosophy to solve the half-a-century-old Middle East conflict Bush noted, “Most everything I really need to know as leader of the free world, I learned right there in the sand box at nursery school. I highly doubt that Bob’s teachings are beneath a towel head and a beanie boy fighting over some dinky plot of desert land that come to think of it, is not much bigger than my old playground sandbox.”

Fulghum is expected to address the leaders (or “special friends”) in a red cardigan sweater, gray pleated slacks and loafers, which he will immediately replace with Keds sneakers in order to get more comfortable. Once settled, the author will teach the men about sharing, playing fair and how they should never hit people. In the event that they do hurt someone either intentionally or unintentionally, Fulghum will explain that they should always say they are sorry.

Fulghum’s lesson about not taking things that aren’t yours is expected to be a sticky point in the exchange but he plans to ease tensions with cold milk and warm homemade cookies.

If time allows, other lessons like putting things back where you found them, cleaning up your own mess and washing up before meals will be broached. Peres and Arafat may also dabble with watercolors, sing “Everybody’s Fancy,” “I’m Taking Care of You” and “Won’t You Be My Neighbor” and play board games. The session is scheduled to conclude with the leaders laying down with their blankets for a nap at 3 o’clock.

Fulghum is confident that the Golden Rule will suffice to bridge these fiercely oppositional forces. He must, however, be prepared for the worst. “If it doesn’t work and they’re still mad, I might just have to put them in separate corners and put dunce caps on their heads and see how they like that! Nothing works to adjust an attitude quite like a big cone-shaped hat and five minutes of time-out.”