News: Ireland gives pizza a chance.

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An Innocuous decision to send out for pizza has led to the first major rift in the new Northern Ireland Assembly, and it's cross community government.

The suggestion of pizza as a possible source of sustenance came from the assembly's presiding officer, Lord Alderdice. However as the choice of toppings came up for review, differences of opinion were evident among the parties.

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Gerry Adams led calls from Republican representatives for Spinach to be placed prominently on the pizza, an idea with the Loyalist PUP condemned as "Sinn Fein IRA Chromic Domination". David Trimble, of the UUP, said it was a cynical attempt from Sinn Fein to "Wreck the Pizza", while seeming to support it.

Seamus Mallon, of the SDLP, rejected this and called for an open discussion of food matters, in all future negotiations.

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Alliance party members suggested buying two halves of a large pizza, with Spinach on one half and Orange and Pineapple on the other, but First Minister David Trimble rejected this out of hand; "I'll not have Pineapple anywhere near my slice", he told assembly members, "I'm allergic, it gives me sore bum-bum."

At this point Northern Ireland Secretary, Peter 'Mandy' Mandelson was contacted. He offered to set up a "Pizza Commission" to examine all aspects of the problems involved. "We all like cheese", he told Westminster MPs later, "We can build on that."

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Meanwhile, in the Assembly, to groans from all sides of the house, Dr. Ian Paisley stepped into the debate. The DUP leader voiced his concerns on the whole shift in the Assembly towards Italian Foodstuffs; "Is it not a historic fact that Pizza is but a Roman Papist food, and if we let this in the door we'll have a United, Roman Ruled, Ireland within weeks.

"What's wrong with good old fashioned British food?", he asked Members, "Like Yorkshire pudding, or Fish and Chips?"
He continued to speak for over an hour.

The row was eventually averted, with the women’s coalition offering to cook up some nice grub. "Anything to shut you bastards up", said Monica McWilliams of the Women's Coalition.