rnd.today=new Date();
rnd.seed=rnd.today.getTime();
function rnd() {
rnd.seed = (rnd.seed*9301+49297) % 233280;
return rnd.seed/(233280.0);
};
function rand(number) {
return Math.ceil(rnd()*number);
};
function quote() {
var number = rand(41);
if (number == 1) return('“I never comment on referees and I’m not going to break the habit of a lifetime for that prat.” Norman Whiteside, footballer');
if (number == 2) return('“When Urbi et Orbi”');
if (number == 3) return('“Like the relief of a freshly laid stool”');
if (number == 4) return('“Here we are in the Holy Land of Israel - a Mecca for tourists” David Vine - BBC');
if (number == 5) return('“Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.”');
if (number == 6) return('“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.” Important instructions, on a Swedish chainsaw.');
if (number == 7) return('“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly” Safety instuctions on a child’s Superman costume.');
if (number == 8) return('“Ardile strokes the ball like it is part of his own anatomy.”');
if (number == 9) return('“Damien Hirst tends to use everyday objects such as a shark in formaldehyde.” Fashion Commentator, Radio 4');
if (number == 10) return('“Moreano thought that the full back was gonna come up behind and give him one really hard” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 11) return('“Do you believe David Trimble will stick to his guns on decommissioning?” Interviewer, UTV');
if (number == 12) return('“It was the fastest-ever swim over that distance on American soil.” Greg Phillips, Portsmouth News');
if (number == 13) return('“Strangely, in slow motion replay, the ball seemed to hang in the air for even longer.” David Acfield');
if (number == 14) return('“Well, you could count them on the fingers of less than one hand...” Jack Elder, New Zealand Police Minister');
if (number == 15) return('“If England are going to win this match, they’re going to have to score a goal.” Jimmy Hill - BBC');
if (number == 16) return('“Ian Mackie is here to prove his back injury is behind him” Commentator at Spar Athletics');
if (number == 17) return('“Azinger is wearing an all black outfit: black jumper, blue trousers, white shoes and a pink tea-cosy hat” Renton Laidlaw');
if (number == 18) return('“The advantage of the rain is, that if you have a quick bike, there’s no advantage” Barry Sheene');
if (number == 19) return('“Adams is stretching himself, looking for Seaman” Brian Moore');
if (number == 20) return('“I wouldn’t be surprised if this game went all the way to the finish” Ian St John');
if (number == 21) return('“Apart from their goals, Norway haven’t scored” Terry Venables');
if (number == 22) return('“The Croatians don’t play well without the ball” Terry Venison');
if (number == 23) return('“Batistuta is very good at pulling off defenders” Kevin Keegan');
if (number == 24) return('“Chile have three options - they could win or they could lose” Kevin Keegan');
if (number == 25) return('“I came to Nantes two years ago and It’s much the same today, except that It’s completely different” Kevin Keegan');
if (number == 26) return('“Zidane is not very happy, because he’s suffering from the wind” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 27) return('“They’ve picked their heads up off the ground and they now have a lot to carry on their shoulders” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 28) return('“Well, either side could win it, or it could be a draw” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 29) return('“It’s now 1-1, an exact reversal of the score on Saturday.” Radio 5 Live');
if (number == 30) return('“...but Arsenal are quick to credit Bergkamp with laying on 75% of their nine goals.” TONY GUBBA, BBC Match of the Day ');
if (number == 31) return('“I would not say he [David Ginola] is the best left winger in the Premiership, but there are none better.” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 32) return('“This is really a lovely horse, I once rode her mother.” Ted Walsh, Horse Racing Commentator');
if (number == 33) return('“He dribbles a lot and the opposition don’t like it - you can see it all over their faces” Ron Atkinson');
if (number == 34) return('“Families is where our nation finds hope, where wings take dream” George W Bush');
if (number == 35) return('“It’s clearly a budget. It’s got a lot of numbers in it.” George W Bush');
if (number == 36) return('“I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.” George W Bush');
if (number == 37) return('“I know the human being and fish can coexist peacefully.” George W Bush');
if (number == 38) return('“We’ll let our friends be the peacekeepers and the great country called America will be the pacemakers.” George W Bush');
if (number == 39) return('“Get married again.” Charles Haughey’s advice to widows seeking a pension increase.');
if (number == 40) return('“The idea is well and good in theory, but tell me this, who is going to feed them?” Wicklow Councillor objecting to tourism-boosting proposal to put gondolas on Blessington Lake.');
if (number == 41) return('Augustin Koffi has $20M and is waiting to hear from you, on +228-02-08-36');
}
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