Retribution & Retaliation

Special Forces Commando Unit to Find Bin Laden
“Piece of Cake”, say the so called A-Team

piece of cake Having exhausted all conventional intelligence means to snatch Ossama Bin Laden, the joint chiefs have announced that a notorious ex-commando unit of Vietnam veterans, the famed “A-Team”, is winging it's way to Afghanistan to get Bin Laden, Alive or Dead.

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American Generals Fly Back To Front
Citizens stockpile wigs, spectacles, snorkels

WASHINGTON, 2:30 pm EST -- Having bid Godspeed to top brass heading for the Afghan theater this lunchtime President George W. Bush today unveiled his latest plan to protect the American public from Islamic terrorist threats.

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Diplomacy & Domination

“This Is Not a Religious War”
Say Bush, Pope and other church leaders

President Bush, today, unequivocally answered growing criticism from the Middle East, that the current campaign in Afghanistan is a ‘holy war’.

“These evildoers are trying to divide our great nation,” President Bush said.

“They are trying to say that this is a religious war, I say to them, in the presence of Almighty God, our saviour, This is not a religious war.”

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Bio-Warfare & The Western Front

Iain Duncan-Smith Has Not Received Anthrax Spores
“May be lost in the post,” say party.

British Opposition Leader, Iain Duncan-Smith, has not received any Anthrax in the post, a visibly shaken official spokesperson announced yesterday.

Party bigwigs said that, while they were ‘relieved’ that their leader had not gotten much attention from the terrorists, they feel it is only a matter of time before they realise that he is an important target for such an attack.

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Anthrax sighted in Local Town
believed extinct since the mid to late 1980s

“I was stunned,” said local man Frank Sandwich, a third year science student at the local university.

“When I first bought the ticket I thought I was going to see ‘Anthrax’, the bacteria spores I’d heard so much about, for a night of genetic wonder & ingenuity. Imagine my shock and disgust when I discovered that it was the 1980s metal band of the same name who were playing the local hall, paid for with my tax dollars. At once I called the FBI and went home to be with my family.”

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